tales of a musk deer

My stomach is full of butterflies and I am feeling a bit flooded with anxiety with what I am about to share. This is exactly the feeling I get the night of Opening Ceremony at Squam. Awful. Does not feel at all good. Nervous. Awkward. Embarrassed.

Over the years I have found a way to get through these feelings and show up on stage despite how much they want to crush me into a hole in the ground. I share what is in my heart and, because it is in a safe place where I am surrounded by gentle people, I find my way through. But here? On the big old internet where I am in no way protected from people who can throw stones at me? It feels very unwise to be sharing the video above.

Probably why it has taken me two months to do this.

You see, last September, after I shared my story about the musk deer, four different women came up to me over the course of the weekend. Each came up to me by individually. Each said exactly the same thing:

Would you share this story with my teenage daughter, please?

Sure, I said. And then . . I just couldn’t. I was too embarrassed.

But, then, after I wrote yesterday’s post I was reflecting on those teenage years– and, I bit the bullet and did it because really, I’m old. I’m gonna die. What the hell am I so afraid of?

And if I can’t make a fool of myself, then how can I expect the world to change?

So here you go– there were four women– if this helps one of them, my discomfort will be so totally worth it.

peace out, Elizabeth


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