loyalty to the inner vision

I am absentminded, reckless, heedless of social obligations, etc. It is as it must be. The tire goes flat, the tooth falls out, there will be a hundred meals without mustard. The poem gets written. I have wrestled with the angel and I am stained with light and I have no shame. Neither do I have guilt. My responsibility is not to the ordinary, or the timely. It does not include mustard, or teeth. It does not extend to the lost button, or the beans in the pot.
My loyalty is to the inner vision, whenever and howsoever it may arrive.
If I have a meeting with you at three o’clock, rejoice if I am late. Rejoice even more if I do not arrive at all. There is no other way work of artistic worth can be done. And the occasional success, to the striver, is worth everything.
The most regretful people on earth are those who felt the call to creative work, who felt their own creative power restive and uprising, and gave to it neither power nor time. - MARY OLIVER, blue pastures
:: :: ::
It's taken me more than half of my life to finally be able to say that I am working on a novel. It has also taken quite an army of support to help me own up to this calling. Seems ridicuous, I know-- but it is also one of the cornerstones of what squam gatherings are about: feeling less alone, finding courage, blasting obstacles out of the way, the simple acknowledgement that engaging in the process of creativity-- without any promise of product or success-- is meaningful and of value.
One of the obstacles has been carving out the time to write. Like most creatives, it takes a lot to settle into the flow -- god help the poor soul who unwittingly yanks me out of it -- and somehow I can always let something else take priority. Or, at least-- that's what I used to do.
Since November I have delineated three mornings a week when I write without fail, but when the external demands on my life start to gear up as they are doing right now with a bunch of travel and our beloved June gathering on the horizon, it becomes a battle to keep my commitment to writing as the number one priority in my life.
And that's what I wanted to share with you here. I know that many of us are seeking to keep our creative pursuits at the center of our lives. I know from the emails and letters that you send to me that as we wend our way through the thicket of laundry, groceries, carpooling, work, kids, pets, family-- LIFE-- it would be so simple to let the creative pursuit slip to the bottom of our purse, buried under house keys, candy wrappers and grit.
It takes an actual fight. It takes a sense of commitment and loyalty to push back and hold the ground. It is not always easy-- but it is ALWAYS worth it. So, if you've got barbarians scaling the walls and need an extra bucket of boiling tar to pitch on their lice-infested heads -- give me a holler.
I've got barrels of the stuff, ever at the ready -- yours for the taking.
"All endeavor calls for the ability to tramp the last mile, shape the last plan, endure the last hour's toil.
The fight to the finish spirit is the one characteristic we must possess if we are to face the future as finishers."
- Henry David Thoreau
bisous, e
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this post made me tear up. it’s all said so beautifully... and it’s all so very real. thank you for sharing these oh-so-true words today.
it is most certainly not easy, but it is, as you say, ALWAYS worth it.
some days it’s hard to see that, but i try to remember that truth, even though the blur of busy, life-filled days.,,
xo *s
The end made me laugh, Elizabeth, because it often feels like the barbarians are INSIDE the walls. You know, I birthed them. :) And I say this with a smile, truly, and not complaining. Sometimes you have to create whilst *surrounded* by barbarians.
This post is screaming at me-in a nice way though. I absolutely love your post. I have unwelcome travel coming up (and I am trying to stay pleasant about it) and of course there are always the barbarians.
Thank you.
Bravo Elizabeth!!! As you said to me words (and now I say back to you) that I have taken to heart and paper and will NEVER forget, "The world needs your gifts."
As I'm exploring this new found love of writing, I take inspiration from you as well. I mean, how friggin' fun will it be to say you're an AUTHOR!
And in case you need to hear this...
I am proud of you.
Haha, well said Amy:) And of course, Elizabeth, you're words provide strength and comfort all at the same time. Very much appreciated.
We live like kings.
Even the king needs time in the counting house, to count out his money.
I have been counting the last few months. Guess what, I'm rich.
....so are you.
Elizabeth, thank you. I really needed to read exactly this post right now. How did you know?
I cannot wait to be back at Squam. See you in a few short weeks!!!
I'm glad to know that there are buckets of tar at the ready--when I'm in the thick of the battle, I often forget where I've placed mine.
Thanks for this reminder and encouragement by example--I'm in the midst of adding practice, habits, and systems to my life. Sounds dull and boring, and totally goes against my grain, but my experience has been that when I have the little things lined up and in order, I have so much more time for the big things I want in life.
Will be at Squam in spirit in June, thinking of all the goodness that is there! (specially cabin mate Bonnie who posted above! *waving madly*)
May I have 3 buckets of tar please ? Time to beat the barbarians back...
Awesome words Elizabeth. So inspired by your commitment to write :) xo
This made me cry in all the right ways! Here right besides you on this.
I will be cheering you on from my neck of the woods..as always.
xo
Karen
deldino
oh my goodness, i needed to read this! and i need a bucket of tar... THANKS! keep on writing!
well, looks like i'll join the ranks of those above whose eyes filled with tears.
mary oliver's words...then yours, elizabeth...oh my. i have a feeling i'll be returning to this post to read and re-read, to consider, to embrace...
Everything you've said is so true. I have to carve out time during the day now to create. You see I keep my 16 month old granddaughter Zoey during the day for my daughter while she's at work and I pick up my 5 year old grandson Dorian (Zoey's brother) and I also take him to school in the mornings. You know I love it that I can be here for them and be an active grandmother in their lives and I wouldn't have it any other way then to be able to take care of them while Brandi's at work so now I've learned to not get so bent out of shape when I can't start on that piece of jewelry or finish that mixed media artwork like I had planned but I've learned to take care of the kids first and then I work when Zoey's asleep or playing in her playpen or why she's watching one of her favorite baby genius nursery rhyme tapes and I have also found that when I do take a break from creating and take them out back to play and sit on the patio and watch the squirrels and birds I come back with a new and refreshed mind but once Brandi gets home from work and on the weekends especially Saturdays that's my time to relax and create. You know creating helps me to relax. I just found your website and your blog through ETSY I just love it and I will be coming back quite often to visit and comment.
Feeling the calling to put on my battle armor!
Work has been difficult the last two weeks--I do not have enough time to do everything I need to do and to do it the way it needs to be done. It has left me questioning my ability to do good work, my worth as an employee, and at times, my worth as a human, as I seem to disappoint everyone, including myself.
So these two sentences particularly resonated with me:
"The most regretful people on earth are those who felt the call to creative work, who felt their own creative power restive and uprising, and gave to it neither power nor time." And "...the simple acknowledgement that engaging in the process of creativity-- without any promise of product or success-- is meaningful and of value."
I have been stifling my creativity for so many decades and for so many reasons...fear, lack of knowledge, knowing that whatever I produce is not worthy of publication, or sale, or display. After all, what good is something if you do not get a tangible return from it?
As Alena's class, Abundant Wild Life, is teaching me, there's a lot of good in it. Even though I forget to journal and forget to do the breathing exercises before sitting down to inks and paints and paper, the process of creating with no boundaries or rules has shifted my perspective. I lose myself in color (I'm afraid of color) and shapes (my tree doesn't look like a tree) and experimenting (what happens if I use a sponge here; how can I get the color to be more/less intense?). That work has an almost immediate effect on me psychologically and physically/energetically. I don't feel jagged around the edges and I can approach the workday with calm and less dread, knowing that I have a refuge in creativity and yes, art, when I get home.
Elizabeth, I never knew when I attended Spring Squam last year that it would be life-changing. After all, I was attending just another knitting retreat (with other things going on, of course). The seeds planted last year (by Maya's little packet) took about a year to germinate, but they've sprouted and are growing and I don't think they can be stopped. Thank you (and the online Squam community) for this creative space.
Namaste.