I have a confession to make.
I'm headed up to the Etsy Symposium in Brooklyn this week. We are so excited to be a sponsor and I am so eager to go and meet the Etsy team and the sellers who will be there and to learn and make new freinds. And, well, we all know how much I love New York.
But, Jen just asked me how I was feeling and what came out was...nervous. "Why?" she asked. "Oh the whole big room full of strangers thing, you know." I said. But this is what's really going through my mind:
Oh my god, what will I wear?
I don't have any cool clothes...or shoes...and Etsy is COOL.
How will I get there?
I seriously have no idea where this place is!
Wow, I look really old lately.
I'm this country mouse going to the big city, and that will be embarassingly obvious.
My business cards suck.
I have no idea how to talk to people. In fact, I'm really awkward so why would they even want to talk to me?
More to the point, I have nothing to say.
What if I end up sitting alone at lunch?
Don't forget breath mints.
Any of this sound familiar? It did to me.
As I was listening to my brain I realized this is exactly how I had felt about going to Squam. In fact, I was registered for the very first Squam 5 years ago and I backed out. The fear and anxiety overwhelmed me and I made up excuses and wrote an email and cancelled. Then the second one (the first June session) came along...but I couldn't bring myself to even register (I had more fear of textiles* than paints even). The third Squam I pretended to ignore until I found Elizabeth in my yoga studio here in North Carolina (a story for another day). And still in the last days before heading to New Hampshire I was on the phone with her having a freak out. But I did it. I pulled out of my driveway bawling my eyes out and just started driving north...but really I was driving towards my own True North. I just didn't know it yet.
And I realized this is a good reminder for me...because I know there are some of you out there who are feeling that way now about coming to Squam this year. It's just a part of the process for some of us sensitive types...
So I wanted you to know that I get it and all my anxiousness about visiting Etsy this week reminded me. But it also reminded me that if I hadn't done it, just put one foot in front of the other and gotten myself there (with encouragement!) I wouldn't have done this:
Using a process I first learned from Flora at Squam, I have six canvases in process.
And this is that thing that called me there in the first place.
So, I'm thinkin' it was all worth it...
I'll let you know next week how it goes for me at Etsy! *Oh and the textiles? Let's just say that Maya works magic!
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